Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
