Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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