I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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