He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
