Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
