from now on my penis is your penis
Green mimosas i think yes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
