in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
