At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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