Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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