forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
