is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
