We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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