I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
