I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
