I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
