yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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