here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
