You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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