He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
