So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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