I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
