Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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