Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
