I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize