from now on my penis is your penis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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