I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
