Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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