I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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