I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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