fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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