You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize