Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
