Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
