Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
