In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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