You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
