I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
