Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
