We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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