We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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