Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
