Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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