do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Alive.
So much puke
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
