So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
