is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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