he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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