I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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