I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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