he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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