I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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