I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
