I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
