I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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