Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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