are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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