Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize