she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
