Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
accomplished twins. life is a go
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
