She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
