Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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