Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
