Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
