im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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