So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
