Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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