I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
