Your face is a jimmy john
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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