clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
