I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
