do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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