She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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