He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
